I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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