you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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