I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
