history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
