I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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