I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
