Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
