ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
