is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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