What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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