Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
