Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
