The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
