Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
