well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
