i think my tv is drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
