She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
