shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
