glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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