worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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