if you like me you must not know who I am
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
