The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
