Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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