Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
