why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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