the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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