Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she told me i tasted like america
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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