I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
