She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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