It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
