Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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