oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
