If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize