Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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