Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
