I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
