I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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