im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
