I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
