I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
