So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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