Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Are we still banned from the library?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
