Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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