i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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