question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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