it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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