weddingsv make me drug and hornr
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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