Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize