we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found the puke drawer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
