Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
