I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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