I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
