didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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