Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."