Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures

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  (818): you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures http://tfl.nu/qd8i
  Replies (14) Good night (3866) Bad night (657)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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  (269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4
  Replies (33) Good night (6080) Bad night (919)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?

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  (614): i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy? http://tfl.nu/94d5
  Replies (47) Good night (1227) Bad night (6754)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

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  (480): She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day http://tfl.nu/vsgx
  Replies (4) Good night (3664) Bad night (964)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

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  (847): I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face http://tfl.nu/ydcz
  Replies (13) Good night (4400) Bad night (913)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.

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  (513): I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration. http://tfl.nu/lghq
  Replies (7) Good night (884) Bad night (2249)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.

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  (978): Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fg6
  Replies (40) Good night (1194) Bad night (6675)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

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  (269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash? http://tfl.nu/uuv0
  Replies (8) Good night (2595) Bad night (847)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.

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  (518): I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed. http://tfl.nu/jame
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (862)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!

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  (347): Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?! http://tfl.nu/ypzd
  Replies (2) Good night (1273) Bad night (665)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  ...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.

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  (843): ...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us. http://tfl.nu/7j26
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (732)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.

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  (425): He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night. http://tfl.nu/zs6o
  Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (1036)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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  (519): I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest. http://tfl.nu/lsvd
  Replies (2) Good night (719) Bad night (440)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?

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  (208): I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too? http://tfl.nu/54vl
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (300)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature

  (804): View more from Virginia

  that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw

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  (804): I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature (804): that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw http://tfl.nu/b92y
  Replies (0) Good night (568) Bad night (132)

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