Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

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  (631): all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight. http://tfl.nu/hryw
  Replies (11) Good night (2495) Bad night (758)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

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  (978): every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y. http://tfl.nu/xtds
  Replies (60) Good night (2813) Bad night (1085)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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  (570): She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex. http://tfl.nu/nznj
  Replies (27) Good night (2539) Bad night (778)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

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  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (18) Good night (988) Bad night (5348)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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  (407): He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember. http://tfl.nu/ugc6
  Replies (8) Good night (2733) Bad night (1005)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??

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  (614): The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!?? http://tfl.nu/bmvr
  Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (1891)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

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  (819): I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex. http://tfl.nu/mg33
  Replies (8) Good night (2576) Bad night (447)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

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  (412): I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden. http://tfl.nu/eagc
  Replies (2) Good night (776) Bad night (397)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.

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  (248): Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift. http://tfl.nu/gpor
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (562)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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  (828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (976)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful

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  (773): He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful http://tfl.nu/kcp3
  Replies (0) Good night (398) Bad night (309)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"

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  (859): We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free (502): Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels" http://tfl.nu/26v2
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (316)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken

  (716): View more from New York

  Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.

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  (615): Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken (716): Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital. http://tfl.nu/50ab
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (721)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol

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  (936): There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol http://tfl.nu/zyck
  Replies (7) Good night (630) Bad night (450)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

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  (940): I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/cak3
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (283)

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