apparently the secret to your success is patron
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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