I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.