been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.