Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?