You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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