he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
