My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize