i jhust puked up my retainher.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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