I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
