How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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