honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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